Fearing Returning Back to Work After Maternity

For many moms, we have to return to work after our maternity leave us up.  Some women are fortunate enough to be able to take a full 12 weeks off, but others can only take 6 weeks off.  Going back to work is very stressful for several reasons.  The main reason for me is the separation from my daughter.  You have to think, she has literally gone everywhere with me since day one.  She has gone to work with me, to the restroom with me, and has gone everywhere I have gone for the past ten months.  Being away from her for nine hours a day, breaks my heart.  Not only have we spent everyday the past ten months together, but we only got to spend a short six weeks getting to know each other.  Some mothers are very fortunate to be stay at home moms.
Another reason that I fear going back to work is not knowing how well my daughter is going to be taken care of at the babysitters.  I am having family friend watch her while I am at work, but I still worry.  Will the babysitter tend to her every need, or just let her sit there and cry in a dirty diaper?  Will she feed her the right breast milk and not formula?  What activities will they do?  The list can go on and on and on.  For any mother, trusting someone else to watch your child is one of the most difficult things to ask but has to be done.

Also, I fear that something may go wrong and when I drop her off at the babysitters, everything is out of my hands.  I HAVE to trust this woman, but I know that my first day back at work is going to be so difficult.  I am not fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom, but I try to look at it another way.  I am a hard working woman who goes to work everyday to provide a good life for my daughter.  Although we can not spend every moment of every day together, she does have food on the table, lights, water, and a mother who would do anything for her. 

Preparing Financially for My Baby

FMLA allows women to take 6 weeks up to 12 weeks of maternity leave.  It is up to your employer whether or not they will pay your maternity leave or you can claim maternity under some disability insurances.  Some companies will allow you to cash in your vacation or sick time to cover some, if not all, of your maternity.  At my employer, we only acrue 2.46 hours every two weeks.  It takes a full year to obtain two weeks paid time off.  We do not get sick leave or vacation time, just paid time off.  Well, life happens and sometimes I have to cash in a day or two if I am sick or need time off.  Needless to say, it is almost impossible to save up your time for two weeks of paid time off.

I decided to look into some disability insurances.  Aflac offers a great disability plan, and will cover my maternity for 6 weeks.  Aflac will cover more of my maternity if my doctor feels as if I need more than 6 weeks maternity.  There are a few catches to the insurance however, you have to pay your premium for at least 10 months before they will cover your maternity.  My husband and I made sure we timed our pregnancy perfectly.  Also, they will not pay what you are use to making at your job, but a percentage of what you make.  Something is better than nothing. 

It is almost near impossible to prepare for a child.  There is no way of knowing if there will be any complications, last minute c-section, and so forth.  Also, there is no way of knowing what size your newborn is going to fit in to, whether it be clothes or diapers, and if the will have a skin allergy to some wipes or diapers.  Obviously, you want to stock up on some of these items as much as possible.  In my opinion, go for the sensitive wipes and diapers till you know for sure that your baby has no skin allergies.  This is what we did and it worked out perfectly for us.  Since we prepared for our baby as much as we could, my maternity is pretty much smooth sailing.  There are a few bumps in our financal plan, mainly because we had to have so many doctor visits and we did not have that in our budget.  Like I said earlier, life happens. 

Jaundice

You hear about every baby having jaundice.  But one does not fully understand what jaundice is or can do to your child until the doctor starts spilling out words you do not understand.  'Your child's bilirubin levels have doubled and we need to retest her.'  Huh?  What is bilirubin and what does that have to do with jaundice?  Lets go back to the beginning.  While I was in the hospital in labor, there are a ton of papers that the hospital gives you to read.  One of them is about jaundice.  I thought jaundice was harmless.  I had jaundice when I was a baby and had to be put in front of a window everyday.  However, now jaundice has been linked to cerebral palsy and severe brain damage.  When my daughter was tested at the hospital, her level was 8.9.  An average person like me who does not fully understand the levels and what is a good or bad number.  I had no idea what 8.9 meant.  The nurse said that it was low and nothing to worry about.

Jaundice turns your baby yellow and in severe cases, their eyes turn yellow too.  When their eyes are yellow, that is when the bilirubin levels have increased to a dangerous level.  Day two of my baby being home, her eyes started to turn yellow.  Thanks to the papers at the hospital that I had read, I was in pure panic mode!  I quickly called her doctor and was seen and tested that day.  That afternoon her doctor called me to tell me that her levels have almost doubled to 15.3 and he wants to retest her the next day.  I was in tears but somehow asked him what we can do in the meantime to try and get her levels down.  He said that the best thing for her is to put her in front of a sunny window.  So for hours upon hours, my husband and I would sit with her in front of a window.  She loved the sun!  Before putting her in the sun, she was always sleeping.  Granted she is a newborn, but we rarely saw her awake.  However, in the sun, she was so happy and energetic.  The next day we went back to the doctor and she was retested.  Her level had increased slightly more, but they would not tell me the number this time.  I was reassured that although her number is a little bit higher, the doctor does not seem concerned and does not believe she needs to be hospitalized yet.  We had to make another appointment to have her tested again.  Again, we stayed in front of a sunny window for hours and hours.  I really enjoyed seeing my daughter so full of life!

In the mean time, my husband and father have been surfing the web and have made themselves upset with results and answers to their questions.  My husband found that there are three different kinds of jaundice and one of them is breast fed jaundice.  When he said those words, it was like slow motion to me.  My heart sank, could I really be causing my baby's jaundice problem?  I pulled myself together and took advantage of every possible moment with my daughter.  The next day, she was tested for the fourth time.  This time her levels have dropped to 14 and the doctor said she does not need to be retested.  I could not have been any happier.  We still hang out in front of a sunny window, we are not taking any chances.

New Mother Stress Syndrome

First time mothers can become very stressed.  An infant is very demanding on time and attention.  There ae several reasons why new mothers are very stressed, and I speak from experience.  Your infant has no way of communicating with you what they want or what is wrong besides crying.  It is up to the mother to figure out what they want or what is wrong.  Which can range from a dirty diaper, too cold or too hot, hungry, wants to be held, or just simply wants to cry.  Everyone says that when your baby is sleeping, you should be trying to catch up on some sleep too but in reality, that is not possible.  There are too many other things to do.  For instance: I can catch up on laundry, straighten up the house, do some homework, take a shower, or just simply relax. 

Having a baby literally flips your whole world upside down.  I went from watching tv in my spare time, to watching my baby all of the time.  There is no more 'me time'.  I am fine with that because when my daughter smiles at me, my world could not be any better.  It is very hard to be needed and depended on so much.  My baby cannot change her diaper, feed herself, put the pacifier in her mouth, or even change her clothes.  Everything she needs, I have to do for her. 

There are several ways to cope with the stress.  Having a good support system at home is key.  My husband will watch our daughter so I can get a few hours of sleep.  He helps out around the house and is very attentive to my needs as well.  He gets up in the middle of the night with us to help me get anything and everything I need to help get her back to sleep.  There are other ways to cope with stress.  Some mothers join a 'Mother's Day Out' program, some take up a hobby, others go for walks, etc.  Also, it is very helpful to have friends and family offer to cook and clean for you.  However, do not expect this from everyone.  Some people just simply do not understand how difficult having a newborn is and will not offer a helping hand.  The ones that do offer to help, definitely take them up on their offer. 

Some mothers will unfortunately experience postpartum depression.  There are several reasons mothers will develop postpartum depression and they are:  Changes in your body from pregnancy and delivery, changes in work and social relationships, having less time and freedom for yourself, lack of sleep,  and worries about your ability as a mother.  The best way to deal with all of these scattered emotions is to discuss them with your partner.  If that does not help, one should contact their physician and discuss alternative treatment.  There is no sense in suffering if there is help out there.  After a solution has been found, enjoy your little one because time flies and soon enough they will be married having children of their own.

Breast Feeding

Breast feeding can be very difficult to get the hang of, especially for first time mothers.  Not only is breast feeding very demanding on the mother, but it is also time consuming.  The mother needs to be dedicated to their child while breast feeding.  Newborns are fed every two to three hours, that equals out to be anywhere from eight to twelve feedings a day!  Also, newborns can take anywhere from 15 to 20 minutes per feeding, and that can take at least two hours a day just feeding.  The demands on a new mother are huge, and you only appreciate the hard work your mother did for you once you are in the same position.  Before I had my daughter, I was talking the big talk.  I would say things like, 'Breast feeding cannot be that difficult' or 'Women who do not breast feed are selfish'.  Needless to say, my first experience at breast feeding was a huge eye opener.  Not only did it hurt, but my daughter was so difficult to latch on.  We spent several days trying to get the hang of this breast feeding, and I felt as if I was starving my baby.  Ointments, lotions, gel pads, nothing gave me relief.  So I turned to the web for some ideas on how to make breast feeding easier.  I am very stubborn and I refuse to be defeated, I am NOT going to stop breast feeding! 

The first website I visited, (http://www.babymed.com/childbirth-class/breastfeeding-tips-and-tricks), described all of my problems.  My daughter would shake her head back and forth and would not latch on.  The website discussed different positions and said to try all positions till you get a good latch.  I did not think of this.  While my daughter was getting frustrated, I was becoming irritated.  I know she is hungry, why is she not latching?  After several failed attempts and trying all the positions, we had figured it out.  My daughter likes the side hold on the right breast, and the cradle hold on the left breast.  I do not know why she prefers any position over the other, but whatever makes her happy and latch on, I am game! 

I thought I was not producing enough milk and was starving my baby.  Besides, how do you know how much your baby is eating when you cannot see or measure what they are getting.  Plus, you do not know for sure if they are feeding or just using you as a pacifier.  The next website I found was, (http://teresasimpson.suite101.com/how-to-succeed-at-breastfeeding-a5443) and the third tip was to pump.  This is probably the best and most important tip that can be offered to any new mother!  The first time I pumped, I fell in love!  I was not in pain the whole time, and I got double the milk since I am able to pump both breasts versus having her only feed off of one.  I would produce enough milk to store for later.  I rarely nurse now since I pump.  Pumping also solved another problem for me:  Feeding in public.  I cannot sit down in the grocery store for at least 15 minutes so she can eat.  Obviously, I need to run errands.  Pumping would allow me to have milk to take with us on our outings.  According to http://www.llli.org/faq/milkstorage.html, breast milk can be stored at room temperature for four to six hours.  This is perfect!  I pump before we leave, which takes about half the time of nursing, and I have food for her when and if she becomes hungry.